I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about. Things like subtracted reserves, flanking and enveloping attacks, flank guards, etc.
Also, I will not construct walkways above them. I can inspire loyalty with www. I reserve the right to execute any henchmen who appear to be a little too intelligent, powerful, or devious. I will not devise any scheme in which Part A consists of tricking the hero into unwittingly helping me and Part B consists of laughing at him then leaving him to his own devices.
Whatever the case, know that they are nearly unstoppable and will oppose you at every turn. Any captured-and-released or -escaped Hero will have numerous tracking devices of several levels of detectability installed in his effects, vehicles, and person, at least one of which will have been ingested with his last food or drink.
If I have massive computer systems, I will take at least as many precautions as a small business and include things such as virus-scans and firewalls. Journalism was becoming less of a trade, more of a profession.
My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.
I will also remember that no one needs to know. During this period, the cultural cachet of being a journalist was on the rise. My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unravelled.
My TerrorMech pilots will be just as well-trained as their foot-soldier counterparts. I will not employ an evil wizard if he has a sleazy mustache. Instead, I look for structural explanations. If I must fight hand to hand, no matter how I outclass my opponent in skill and finesse, I will fight dirty and get the job done as quickly as possible.
I will funnel some of my ill-gotten gains into urban renewal projects. All midwives will be banned from the realm. When my Legions of Terror park their vehicle to do reconnaissance on foot, they will be instructed to employ The Club.
All my circuitry will use breakers or fuses of the appropriate tolerances. Even though they claim to practice neutrality, they weave their ideology into their reporting and people sense this bias.
All my Terror Mecha pilots will be instructed to immediately abort the mission and withdraw whenever a group of the opposing mecha successfully combine into one large one. No Tactical Nuclear Mecha will never be issued live ammo without a trustworthy pilot inside.
I will not use hostages as bait in a trap. My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble. Best to send in the goons for this one and watch from afar. The most visible news people are being mistaken for the whole institution.
It would be undignified to die because I got frustrated and sarcastically said "Kill me now! Nothing motivates like thermite. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well. Unfortunately, they also tend to do the right thing in the end, despite their contempt for the rules and "rebel without a cause" attitude.
My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship.
If I must have computer systems with publicly available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room.
If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labeled "Danger: When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.
This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. Whatever my one vulnerability is, I will fake a different one.PressThink, a project of the Arthur L. Carter Journalism Institute at New York University, is written by Jay Rosen. The Very Complete, Very Extended, Printer Friendly, Evil Overlord List (plus other evil stuff) Eviloverlordy Stuff.
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